She Coughed Up a Big One.

Is that a bone in your throat or the constipation in your mind finally coming to the surface?

It has been awhile since I have put concentrated thoughts out here in cyber space. There are days when I come to do this and get swept away in the current of surfing the web or sucked into the abysmal vortex of Face Book, the sea monster of the internet. I mean other than cryptic status updates baiting the masses to try and figure out what runs through my mind, or some shameless promoting of some  music or social event, and product, or spamming music videos because I think that's what my friends want to hear, or some silly quiz waste of time thing. I really have not put thoughts out there. I should write S.O.S as the title. I am not amused. 

Lately, life has been good. I can not really complain. I get to do what I want. I have what I need. Simple right? HA. Guess again. Most of the time I spend in my mind picking apart my life, hating some of what I have become. The way I let society and family shape me. They way I look at other people and their lives and judge silently. I get sick of my thinking. I get tired of my way of doing things. Here lies the end of the problem.

I am through with trying to make sure I am right by correcting others, or offering unsolicited help. I am through with trying to please others, winning favor and acceptance. I really do not have the energy and  it is not my responsibility. I like what I like because it makes me happy. I do what I do because it challenges me.  I embrace change like  a fish out of water. A fish can't flow out of water. I am a traditional kind of person, yet I think regimen is boring.

Just recently I had been presented with a situation that infuriated me. I had no one to blame but a process and my lack of self motivation to reach a goal. Fuck, having a goal would have been a start. It sucked the ass of a thousand monkeys. I threw a long, long tantrum, and by long I mean off and on for weeks.  Not sure what I learned from this lesson, not sure if the lesson is even over. I am determined not to give up. I am not going to quit on myself. Be sure of this though, no one is going to get in my way. I have been in my own way for far too long.

Things are good. I look forward to summer and making sound plans and meeting goals. When living is compared to not living, the picture becomes clearer.

R.I.P Frank Franzetta

R.I.P Ronnie James Dio